Process

I think what bothers me most about people is I can't control what they do. And while in my mind, an 18 year old controlling a thirty-something is perfectly right, God fortunately knew better.

It bothers me when I can see someone getting hurt by the words of others...

but it also bothers me when I can't see it in my own words... until after i've said them.

It bothers me that people put up a front... but it has no likeness to them at all.

It actually more than bothers me- it hurts my heart to see- siblings screaming at each other because of miscommunication.

It hurts to know that a family will never be whole again.

It hurts to know that people are hypocrites.

And it's hard to recite in my mind, Jesus Loves Them. Because while I want to open my big fat trap and say something... Jesus has other plans for my trap.

I mean, there is a reason why they call it a 'trap'...

I am very thankful that I made it out alive of Middle School... and my parents did too. I am very happy that I didn't have the kinda of high school experience other people did...

But it's irritating to see how some people can't get the high school mentality out of their heads.

People I care about get hurt everyday, and I can't do a thing about it.

God probably thinks that too... except he can do more than me...

Which is just another good reason to give Him these kinds of thoughts.

I was listening to a person give a speech/sermon on David and Bathsheba... (Ironic that her name starts with 'Bath' and David saw her bathing...) And I started to think about bathsheba's response to this whole situation. What kind of woman was she really? Since I'm assuming that Uriah was a Godly man, then you would figure that as a Godly man, he would marry nothing else but a Godly woman. So i can't even imagine what she had to do. I mean, the King- someone who could kill you if you don't obey him- called to her to have sex with him...when she was married. Did she put up a fight? What in the world was she feeling? And then! She's pregnant. Her sin incarnate...even worse- the father of the baby kills her husband! It's really a horrible story... with a very happy ending, but I wouldn't have been surprised if Bathsheba killed herself. Was God even talking to her, rebuking her?

...maybe I'm going over board with the whole feelings thing... and maybe it's because I'm a woman and i'm very sympathetic to her situation, and the bible doesn't have a lot of women insight in it... but i can't help but wonder.

I realized as i was reading James' blog that i've been writing a lot about school. Which isn't that exciting if you think about it. Half the people in the US have been to college and probably didn't write about it half as much as i have. While i was thinking this, another thought popped into my head about the movie i watched last night, "Stranger than Fiction" (i recommend seeing it).

Harold Crick is a man living and breathing yet someone is writing a book about his life... and the author wants to kill him off- unfortunately he hears her narrating and becomes most distressed...I won't ruin anything for you- but there's a line in the movie that has been in my head ever since, "Harold starting doing things he had never done before, he started living his life."

This quote brings me back to my thoughts about writing about school. The point of these years isn't to get a degree- but to learn. Me going to school and then straight to work and squeezing my friends and homework in there isn't the point of my college years... i'm running myself into the ground to try to have some sort of social aspect of life because i know there needs to be more to life than school and work.

And while the friends next to me were wondering if they should buy a guitar so they can have sex.... i was wondering- Am I Living My Life? God wants us to have fun as well, i figure. He didn't create us to be hermits who do nothing but work and work. But to live my life is to get a tattoo, to buy a fish, to listen to the music that excites you, to move out, to get married, to experience God, to love people.

I just hope i can do all those things and more before i find myself lying on my death bed.

I realized as i was reading James' blog that i've been writing a lot about school. Which isn't that exciting if you think about it. Half the people in the US have been to college and probably didn't write about it half as much as i have. While i was thinking this, another thought popped into my head about the movie i watched last night, "Stranger than Fiction" (i recommend seeing it).

Harold Crick is a man living and breathing yet someone is writing a book about his life... and the author wants to kill him off- unfortunately he hears her narrating and becomes most distressed...I won't ruin anything for you- but there's a line in the movie that has been in my head ever since, "Harold starting doing things he had never done before, he started living his life."

This quote brings me back to my thoughts about writing about school. The point of these years isn't to get a degree- but to learn. Me going to school and then straight to work and squeezing my friends and homework in there isn't the point of my college years... i'm running myself into the ground to try to have some sort of social aspect of life because i know there needs to be more to life than school and work.

And while the friends next to me were wondering if they should buy a guitar so they can have sex.... i was wondering- Am I Living My Life? God wants us to have fun as well, i figure. He didn't create us to be hermits who do nothing but work and work. But to live my life is to get a tattoo, to buy a fish, to listen to the music that excites you, to move out, to get married, to experience God, to love people.

I just hope i can do all those things and more before i find myself lying on my death bed.

So my first big portfolio in my writing class was handed back to me today and I recieved an A-. Not bad if you ask me- I'm actually pretty excited about it! This term is going so quick. I have a Midterm and proposal Due on Monday... and a huge project due in about three weeks ruffly and a midterm on Thursday- wow i forgot about that. I need to study for that.

Word to the wise- If you're not a personally motivated person don't take a class that you have to read 3 books and can watch the class online... it's not all its cracked up to be. Pretty sure i might fail that class... anthropology of all things.

(THIS IS FOR YOU CHELSEA) I'm pretty dang excited it's november. Because in about three weeks its thankgiving and that means days off for school- the first i've had yet... (unlike the Public school system) And then after Thanksgiving is CHRISTMAS!!! I lvoe the holidays- not to fond of all the commericals telling me not to be fat during the holidays though. And despite that large amount of money i owe my mom for the next month- i'm excited to buy presents for Christmas! Another bonus for working at PizzAmore is that I get paid on the 20th... so i can go get presents right before Christmas! It's amazing.

Halloween was fun tho- i went trick or treating with a three year old that looked like a rock. Not THE ROCK- A rock. Then i watched monster house. my kind of scary movie by golly. I was kinda disappointed that I had a midterm on halloween tho. Oh well. And this weekend i'm going to the oregon coast aquarium with that 3 year old. I'm way excited about that too.

Someone asked me today if i was married. Ha ha. I'm a freshman and college and married- yea right. I'd prolly shoot myself and my "husband"... that currently doesn't exist. Oh well. I told her that it was a purity ring. That got a strange response- the people around me jusst stared at me like i was crazy. Oh well... that's the price of being the only virgin in college... well one out of like 30 prolly...